I sat in the room as usual and when i got home yesterday mum was pissed. No more walks, taking away the one thing that helped me get through the days. But i did sneak out tonight though, but only on the roof because tecnically i never took a walk outside the hospital. 

This day was the one of the longest i've ever had at the hospital. I didnt do much, the nurseswalked in and out of the room all the time. And when mum wasnt in my room a nurse sat there watching me so i wouldn't "run away" jesus christ..

All i wanted to do was to walk out and sit down in the waitinroom and see Liam walk in. But no, that wasn' happening and when i was aloud to take walks again Danielle was going to be out of the hospital and Liam was going to be with her. 

It was two weeks since i was "grounded" now, Liam and Danielle was probably out and all i could do was to sit here really. 

 

 

It was two weeks now, two weeks ago since i saw Rebecca the last time. I wonder what scared her off like that. She just ran and then she never came back or even said a word. 

I thought about her everyday and it didn't pass one day that i went to the hospital and sat there waiting for her. 

i wanted her, needed her, here, now. 

It was a sunday today. I sat in my car and drove through London. I came to the hospital, parked it and went in. SHe had to be here, today she was going to be there. In the waitingroom waiting for me and i would she her face lit up in a smile and we would take our regular walks around the hospital and might take a quick sec up on the roof and just look out over London. 

I walked in and closed my eyes.

- You're going to sit there, in the same sofa you always sit in. You're going to sit there waiting for me and I'm going to feel your arms around me when you give me a good morning hug. 

I slowly opened my eyes hoping that she actually would sit there. 

But i was in for disappointing, like all ther other mornings. No Rebecca. 

I walked up to the front desk. 

- Hello.

I said Rebecca's mum's name.

- I'm sorry there is no one in this whole hospital by that name. But there is a Rebecca with the same last name.

- But that's her daughter?

- Yes. She has been here for soon two months. 

I took a strong grip on the counter so I wouldnt fall down on the floor because my legs were giving in beneth me. 

- Can I see her, ca, can i go to her room?

- uhm I'm affraid that you can't right now she is in her cancer radiation sesion right now. But in a few hours, yes of course.

- Okay thank you.

My head was spinning so fast as I stumbled out of the hospital again.